Well it may be a bad or a good thing but i am switching to Blogspot. To anyone who actually takes the time to read these rantings thank you! :D but dont fret i am just switching over to blogspot. Ive actually wanted to do this for quite some time now but i couldnt find a program or actually didnt know that there was a program where i could export all my entries to blogspot. Im pretty amazed that there is a prgram and it really does transfer everything pictures and all. however, it will take me a couple of days to fully import all 365 entries... :( but its alright. im actually kind of glad that im switching. but sad because ive been on LJ since...06' but its time for a change ill be linking my blog so dont wry and i think ill be linking some of the links that ive followed here to my blogspot because ive learned to love alot of the links from LJ. anyway, this was suppose to be short and sweet. Love ya!

http://xocherrykoxo.blogspot.com/

btw check out the BFs blog

http://thecollegestruggle.blogspot.com/

So its pretty much crazy how quickly the time passes by.  i honestly cant believe that school has started and im already in my second year of college. things are crazy as usual but nonetheless i know i should be happy about my life atm.

Anyway, its been quite some time since i have written in here just because like i saud everything has just been moving so quickly. I think that last time that i wrote was on August 25th so its been about 2 weeks. Not that much has happened to actually write about, but ill write anyways.

So, my last few posts were really sad and blah because i was feeling really down about my bff. But now we've solved things and im glad :D. but long story short. i was really frustrated because we were suppose to hang out just us to on this one friday. however, we ended up hanging out with her friend ryan-sally. at first i was all for it, however, when i started walking toward the restaurant i kept on telling myself, "what the hell am i doing here, seriously what are you getting yourself into" well i followed through and met them for lunch at Novel cafe across from PCC. I have got to say that Ryan was a really really interesting gal. Shes done so many things expereienced so many things and just seemed like the coolest person in the world. i felt so blah and left out and just like why the hell would my bff want ot be bffs with me you know? I just felt so down after that day i was like i dont know.
    Pretty much that day day and night i was feeling so down and depressed i didnt know what else to do. i guess i got out of hand and got mad at my bff and i just was like thats it. I honestly believe that we all do do stupid things when we are really angry. But anyway, after a couple of days of thinking and just taking some time to myself, we worked things out and we Gooood~~~ hehe :D

other than that the past couple of days after that i just tried to enjoy my last few days of summer before school would start.

School started the 1st of sept. and i got really sad. i dont know what it is but i always get sad whenever school starts. i feel sooo lonley and scared i dont know what it is. my asked my mama if she could sleep with me for the next few night cuz i was being a baby and it helped. :D

I have the same schedule as before tue and thur class. but they are super hecktic. back to back classes as always. and a 245 hour lab. boo. i get tired tue idn how im going to survive.. rawr.

other than that everything has pretty much been the same with me. nothing interesting...

on a bad note or however u should take it. i wanna try a cigarette is that bad??! hehe

ill write as soon as i can again.,.. maybe on the weekend. see ya!

At the moment my head feels like it is about to explode into a million pieces. Im at working writing this and i just want to go home and sleep. It feels like a hundred knives are being stabbed into my brain and my lower back. i have the sniffles too. im so tired. i feel like my body is just shutting down on me. i keep getting goose bumps and when i try and swipe them away it hurts to touch my own skin. I think this is due to sleeping with the fan on all night. aiye dios mio help me....

its funny how th e world work. how everything is revovled around money, around school. around trying to be the best and trying to live by societ's rules
its funny how all of that works together and n"neatly" fits all into place. and its more funny how some of us dont really notice that that is going on. all of us just live normal daily lives day by day.
however other think about the future the effects and affects of what could happen.

today i insulted my bf. i didnt mean to but it was a money issue and he tends to be very sensitive about that and i totally understand and feel bad as it is.

but what really sucks is this path that "WE" have to follow just because of what everyone says.
why cant we all just do our own things and them work out the way that it should.

i think that everything is difficult. that we are so used to taking other routes that when we are forced to stick with one all we want to do is run.

of course its hard. i mean what else can we do. i mean i do believe there is another way to this. but i think that is just takes time is all. it just takes time to think. yah everything is routine, but there are always little ways to change that.

the getty was fun. lots of pictures of the garden plus the weather was beautiful!

Sunday: didnt do anything. just church as usual and didnt see tony untill LATE...

Mon and tue consisted of 2  long 8 hour days of work. i wanted to cry all i did was watch SVU eppys and degrassi.  now my boss is back and luckily am doing work yay!

wed: i went with tony to CUE! it was sooo much fun taking suc silly silly pictures.

Thurs: i went bowling and to cue with sandra and eunice! so much fun! we played two games and i was second both times XD

Friday: i didnt go to work! yay! and i went to eat out with bianca and her friend sally. haha. interesting day. sally is truely an interesting gal. but its funny how things work out. how people dont realize the things you say.

i lost a friend. but i got some advice and learned that it is all part of life. friends comes and go. i mean it hurts were so damn close. but there isnt anything that i can do right? im just glad to know that that person is with someone better than me.

its funny tho when the person doesnt realize it...

Anyway, i want to do something spontatneous already XD im so bored of my life....

Okay ive been delaying writing because ive gotten lazy and im getting lazy just writing now. haha. sigh. anyway i havent updated since tueish or last week so im going to update now :D

So Monday: i went to work and hung out with Tony as always, enjoy the last few days before school starts...

Tue: was a very busy day. I worked in the morning then i had to run some errands, i went to PCC, GCC, the bank, the UPS store, and then went to find a piercing place for sandra. when ended up hunting down like 2 or 3 places and just went back to the the place "anamoly" on green. it was a really cool place not intimidating just pretty chill. so we were there for an hour or so and then sandra got her piercing! yay! its looks pretty good on her! and i love how its just suits her new bangs and everything!! she shoud soo makeup  her face like the 1940's 50's pin up girl that would be freakin awesome!

Wednesday: i worked again then hung out with ton ton. haha. boring dull day. it ewas just so blah and BORING!

Thursday: was the first day that i had to work an 8 hour day in quite some time. whooo. it was a long day of answering phones and stuff. but its wasnt as bad as i thought it was going to be. it was actually kinda of quick and idn i dont mind answering phones that much anymore im really getting use to it and proud of myself. after the long work day i hung out with eunice, beth adn sandra. we were suppose to go ice skating but it closed at 5 and they told us to come back at 7. we we ended up just going to mrs. fields and chatting and catching up and then beth left and we walked down to old town. we hung around there for a bit just going to the apple store and taking picture and going to h&m, F21 and barnes and noble where eunice hit my boob with a book XD. haha. after that we went to johnny rockets and ate. gah it was funny chilling with them adn just laffing every five second im going to really miss them when the school year starts :(

Friday: another 8 hour work day but it was just really long and boring. barely any phones calls and i was on the interenet the WHOLE day. i just eneded up watching supernatural and playing on my itouch for the last few hours. haha. after work tony picked me up and we went to his house. haha, we were watching squid stuff on the discovery channel. it was soo cool. i really wish i had the discovbery channel. after that i started degrassi goes to hollywood with his sister. i really think Gi is so cool. and im starting to get comfortbale with everyone. and one again am getting prob of myself :D after that we went to go watch district 9. and omg.. for me being like the most critical movie critic in the whole damn world that was a pretty darn good movie. peter jackson is pretty awesome. just loved the way everythign was filimed. other than the shaky movement here and there and guts flying everywhere that made my stomach turn, it was still a pretty good movie. :D


Anyway, today is the getty we'll see how that goes :D

A little random but sometime last week either Thursday or Friday when i went with sandra and her sister to check out piercing places, i saw this little lady from Americas Next Top Model, Marjorie Conrad, le french gal. so that was pretty sweet. i knew i should have stopped and asked to take a pic, cuz that would have been totally awesome buut i didnt get to. Both me and natalie noticed that it was her and we kind of just kept walking by and then we looked at each other and we were like "hey! isnt that the girl from ANTM!" haha it was pretty cool. But man o man was she freakin tall! and she was wearing heels so she was like a giant. haha i bet every girl wishes that she were that tall. she looked super pretty. i think they dyed her hair brown in the show and then she went back to blonde when we saw her and it was a little longer like a bob. Super Cute! i wish her well in her career and all else!

i dont know anymore. i dont know what to do. i dont know what to say. i dont want to lose another friend. i dont want another christina or another yvonne. im not sure what to do or what to say.

the rating system is obnoxious

how can we compare.

what is there left in this world.

alright i havent been posting as much as i said that i would be posting. Only because i havent been doing anything fun or exciting to post about.
anyway, i guess ive accumulated a couple things so i might as well just spew it all now.

Last week on the 29th and 30th of July i got to hang out with Sandra and Eunice! it was so much fun. we decided to have a chill 2 days at her apt which was great. i went to work that Wed moning and then we headed off to huntington beach. before that though Daisy was suppose to go and get us some liquor but sadly she forgot her liscence. >.<.

we still went to huntington because and had a lot of fun there. we stayed there for about 2 hours because we were forced to park at a meter. after that we were a bit tired and took PCH back to Irvine. at first it was great, we had everything planned out. esp the whole parking situation. however, it got really hectici when i found out that i couldnt park in their lot. she we were stuck for a couple of hours trying to think of what to do. in the end we just bought a parking pass and sandra ended up find a site that showed all the places that we could park at.

later that night we started eating up a storm. haha. it was pretty bad. we had lived off pizza, fries and noodles those 2 days i thought i was going to get sick.

so like i said later that night we started off with pizza and then began watching 'red eye.' we had to kill some time untill 1200 am so that i could buy another parking ticket and move my car.  we then heated up some fries munched away and killed more time. i was pretty disappointed that i wasnt going to be able to drink just because that was the one thing that i was really looking forward to but then of course my hero haha i called up tony and he got a bottle of smirnoff green apple from a friend and then the night was on! haha.

we moved my car at 1200, and in the process my dear little sandrita wanted to learn how to drive so i tried to let her back up my car. and oh was that abad idea. never again. i thought that my heart was going to come out of my vag. hahahahahah. shit, i put the car in reverse and she his the gas. i thought i was going to have a heart attack! hahah. 

after that we pranced back to the apt and began to drink. i ws suppose to be first to take a shot since it was my first time EVER. but i was to chicken i dont even know why XD. so i gave sandra the first shot. i was next then eunice. haha. funny enough sandra has a video of my first drink XD hahah.

we started playing games to lighten the mood. we played UNO and every time a red card came up we would have to take a swig. after that we just kept drinking, mixing with cran. jucie and chilling. after an hour or so i think i pretty much knocked out cold. i was already drowsy and SUPER Super SUPER bright red after a couple of shots and it was so hot that i ended up in the closet fast asleep. i was still holding a 9 yellow UNo card in my hand when i woke up and with the closet door closed. it was so comfy XD. haha.

Sadly though, i woke up to the word throw up and i was like uhoh. haha we found out that Sandra had thrown up and eunice like the awesome person she is helped her out while i was fast asleep haha. but yah. it was an interesting night to say the least. we all ended up knocking out in the living room because we didnt want to stay in the same room as barf.

i ended up only getting about 3 hours of sleep because of the stupid rackety A/C.  so i was up around 8 am/. watching supernatural and what not and cleaning the room while the girls slept. i didnt mind XD.

after that we just i chilled in the apt. went on the interenet. went to albertonsons to get cleaner and later picked up tony. we were suppose to go to his place and swim in the pool but we were all pretty tired so we just left.

like i said a pretty fun expereice. but i really dont know how ppl do it. i dont know how ppl can drink so much i only had a few shots and i was soo tired hahaha. but idn i guess its fun to do ONCE in a while but thats it. i guess im not a drinking person. all i can say that was good about that thought was that i think that was the best sleep that ive ever had those 2 hours were great. didnt wake up once and it was just so comfortable.

That friday i went back to work and that was the day.

sat and sunday ive already talked about it my last entry and pretty much the past two days mon. and tue have been a bore more or less. ive just been working >..<

i need to make some moohlah and stop spending. they raised my Tuitioin by another 300 so i gotta help out in some way that i can.i
i asked my boss for a raise so we'll see how that will go. hopefully i get at least 25 cents more. it isnt much for what i do but its something and i wont complain.

Monday night i picked up tony from school because he ended up getting "evicted" from his apt. sadly but happy at the same time. i mean it sucks that he has to commute for the next month buit it isnt that bad i mean i did it and am doing it for the next year so 1 month shouldnt be that bad and its only tue and thur. im glad to say that im happy that he is here. you know? when we first started going out last year, may, june, july i barely got to see him. people think that i got to see him alot but i think back at it i prb got to see him once a week during the summer.  and then i left for the philippines so i didnt get to see him for 3 weeks and immediately the next day i started school so i only got to see him on the weekends for the next year. so idn. i guess im happy that i get to see him a little bit more this month it feels really good.

on another note, me and the bestie are fighting again. and iguess what about the same thing that we fought about last time. Tony. or me as it is. idont know. i dont think that bianca had any right to say the things she did about tony and me. no i take that back she can say whatever she wants because she has every right and im not mad at her for that. its just the things that were said were a bit hurtful and i guess not thoughrouhgly thought. but she was right about one thing. some how the fight turned into a self confidence issue about me and i guess i do have really low SC. or low self esteem and it really sucks you know . if it were that easy to just say fuck of course i would have done it. but its not easy you know. it isnt that simple to always feel like you have tape over your mouth anf you want to say something. i honestly dont know what to do anymore... maybe just need some time to think...

tomorrow ill be going with eunice and sandra to check out some piercing places. hopefully shell get her pericing tomorrow im super excited for her! haha if she does im going to be catching it on film yay!!

What scares me the most are future talks. i mean i guess i have many fears but this is one of the few that will seriously freak the hell out of me or make me cry.

Lately, i've been feeling really distant from tony. i don't know what it is or what has happened but last week it was i just weird feeling and i didn't like it. however, i came to the conclusion that it was because we hadnt talked much and we've retty much been doing the same things over and over the past couple of weeks and ive just been really bored and all.

so yesterday we decided to go to speed and zone and play at theyre arcade for our "date" but all their games were super expensive and a total jip so we decided to go to Chuck e cheese instead and boy was it fun. ahah we were kids with credit cards! :D :D

We actually went to Connels for a bite to eat and then headed off to CEC. i hadnt been to connels in over a year i think and that was the day that i went with the Bianca(s) and the day that hey gave me my dragonfly necklace.

it was nice though it felt like the first time we were going out again. when we went to CEC. we finally got the play basket ball and i beat his butt 7 to 1 ! haha i rule at that game it is so awesome! we got 120 worth in tickets and i ended up just getting this little blow up wand that looks awefull..... and two jumping frog things... haha i will post a picture.

after that we headed back to his house.
i learned alot more about tony, alot more about his family and his future and things that i never realized.

we talked about the future and such about school and majors and what not. and it really scared me that i started to cry. i realized though i had forgotten to ask him something. i should have asked him if he has seen me in his future. if i was iever going to continue on being a part of his life....

future talk really scares me. im afraid of failure. im afraid that i wont succed and that ill just fail my family. in all hionestly. everything kind of rides on my. another things that me and tony have in common. our families futures pretty much depends on us. i mean yah i have my sister and he has his little sister but our parents truely believe that we are the ones responsible. and honestly its really really hard to have all that pressure and expectation on you. sometimes i hate it and its hard.

but i dotn know sometimes little by little tony helps me out. he encourages me and tells me that i can do it. "im not in debt, i have a job, im set..." but liike i told him my parents are fully helping me but i have consequences that really hurt me sometimes.

I get scared. what if i dont succeed. what if i fail. what will i do. what if i go crazy. what?

so i got bored...

at the current time of 12:32 am i should be studying. haha. yah right like that is going to happen. No, honestly i should be studying. i have yet another exam on Monday, and well i need to raiser my grade up. i need to get a B. XD.

Anyway, i am taking the time that i have at the moment to write the little that has happened in the past week and today.

Basically Mon-fri as always i have school and work. same old same old.

Saturday: Tony day! haha.... yes i am a lame ass loser. but we really didnt do much because right before he came over i was trying to watch HP and well my PC decided to obtain a little virus and well yup i had a semi virus. so he just ended up fixing it the whole day. We just stopped at Jcpenny to fix my chain from my necklace. disappointingly it is going to take 3 weeks for it to be fixed. so i wont be seeing it till aug. 8th. SADLY... *sigh*.....

after that we went to go eat out at El Torrito by best buy. it was alright i had enchiladas Rancheras it was okok. hehe. after that we just headed back to my house and he finished taking the Virus outta my pc.

After that i started working out. and it was funny because my babe knows a lot of stuff about working out, well since hes gotten buff and all XD. and well he helped me out. i told him that i especially wanted to work out my triceps, my thighs and my abs. so he told me some good work outs for all of them but the one thing that he told me that i have to do a lot of is running. which i am really negative towards... because i really reallly dont like running because every time i do it always fucks up my ankle. but it was really great because while i was working out and all he was really helping me and tell me "yah you can do it. yes! you should feel the burn, thats how you should feel" stuff like that. and you nasty people i know it sounds dirty but he wasnt being, its just encouragement and it really helped. having someone there telling you that you can do it and not to give up, is very very helpful.

but the thing that really go me today was how inspirational he was today. i wanted to cry. hehe. im such a cry baby. but i have never met anyone so...hard working. i guess are the words. but after the heard ab work out i was just sitting there talking to him telling tony how much i didnt like running and he was like well you know you have to do that, and its good for you you know and you know that works out everything and you know if you do that then youll get toned and if you work out little by little the things i told you then that;ll be toned and then youll feel better about yourself. and you know its all about making goals for yourself and telling yourself that you can do it.

i dont know but i think that is really inspirational. setting goals for yourself and achieving it and all. idn i think it really works :D.

i was sitting there talking to him  telling him that he is a very motivated and inspirational person. and i told him " that he is my inspiration" i wanted to tell him more though. i wanted to tell him that he is my inspiration to do all that i do. to work hard every day. every day i think about him and tell myself if he can do it i know that i can do it."

i dont know, what it is. but in a way i guess he is one of those few people that i really admire the most. you know?

i mean im not one of those people that have famous people that they admire, such as celebraties and other historical people. i admire the people closest to me.

Tony: for his strength and perseverence. his motivation and his inspiration words. i admire his love and passion. and his kindness and caringness.

Bianca: (my bff): for her absolutely undeniably strong STRONG heart. this woman has been through so damn much in her life time and each and everyday, at least when i see her, she always has a smile. she always has something to talk to. always has a ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. i admire  most of all her strength and the power that keeps her going every day no matter what she ahs been through

Sandra: what i really admire about her is her relationship with her family. even though it is a but odd at times, i really admire her and her mothers relationship. they seem so close. something that i have always wanted with my mother. but another thing that i admire about sandra is he humbleness.. its amazing how humble a person can be and well sandra is up there.

Sister: in a way i think i try to deny that i admire my sister but in the end there is absolutely NO way that i can do it. i mean i was never ever really closer to her.we didnt talk much untl we started getting older and when she finally moved out of the house. but as i look back on time i dont know ive always looked up to her. wanted not so much to be like her but be like her with my own flair.

my parents: even though there are times where i just want to get away from it all get away from the pressure and the expectations from my parents i cant and i prob never will. but i admire them no matter fow much of hardasses the are. they raised me in a certain way that had meade me the person that i am today. something i am not proud of but other things i am. and there is nooone else that i can thank but them.

anyway i dont know how this entry turned into admiring awards but there you go. just thought id get my word out.

Love ya'll and night

PS. i need to find another song for me and tony.
we have
1. Hoobastank- The reason
2. Trapt-Echo
3.???

we need a third one at least. a lovey dovey song, like a slow dance type of song. but of course something with meaning and stuff.

hahah. cause hoob. is about him changing for me.
trapt was the first song that we listened to together and well we need a love song.

haha he made a joke that our song should be the last song they played at prom. however he was like i dont think the "lolipop" song is very appropriate... HHAHA......

Gnite

So im updating as much as i can...

Mondays test went okay. i raised my score by 2% so now i have a 82% in the class. Its nice, but i really need to raise it a bit more. >.<. i dont want to sound selfish or anything but i want at least an 85% or more... *sigh* is that to much to want? :D

I had two quizess on Fri. studied like a crazy person but probably still bombed along with everyone else in the class. funny enough he even let us have a cheat sheet. but it didnt work. i think the sheet was just to throw everyone off XD.

4th of July

Fourth of July was super fun! i finally go to watch fire works with my babe. We went to the RoseBowl and it was just so much fun! we got there a but early and parked a little far, but the exercise didnt kill us. :D. haha. i'm just glad that we went this year, i had such a great time :D

Well othere than that qucik update nothing much has happened in the past week. ive just been going to school and working. everything has just been so hectic and crazy. i honestly cant believe that its already the fourth week of my school and im almost done! hopefully when school ends and i have my one month before school starts up again i can visit my babe at Irvine. But then again i think his first class ends soon to. so maybe he can stay her until Monday, so i can see him more :D.

Question: am i being selfish? always wanting to see him all the time?

Saturday 11:

anyway, today seemed to pass by really quickly.
i woke up nice and early to get ready for my WPE at LB.
it was a long drive but i made it. but i parked so F***ing far. it was a hike just to get to the testing place XD.
after waitng forever for the stupid procter to show up ON TIME, we took our test. the question was kind of stupid/easy/ hard. one of those philosophical type questions but not. EIther way i hope i passed the damn thing so i dont have to take it again.

after the test i drove back home. i was so tired from the week all i wanted to do was sleep. but it really sucks how sleep never comes to me when i really need it >.<.

Later, tony called and i went over to his house. we hung out for a bit. Tried to watch Public Enemies, but got distracted. We then went to CJs for food and then to RadioShack for parts.

i guess the only agrivating part of the night was when my ulcer started to act up. i fucking hate it. i really do.

FTW (fuck the world)

Anyway, i still wanted to talk to tony today, but i didnt get a chance to. imean i dont want to bring stuff up from the past, but i hate leaving things totally unresovled. id rather we talk it out. you know?

anyway, i dont know what i am doing tomorrow. i need to study i guess. i know i have a tough test ahead of me on Monday. but i know ill just get lazy.

i think i am going to WAX my legs.... EEK! wish me luck

PS. i just found out that my uncle and aunt in the philippines were in a head on collision. i pray that they are alright. they got air lifter to the hospital. i think my uncle got most of the damage. he needs metal in his legs, fracture in his ribs and i think a con. on his head. my auntie has something wrong with her foot but not to sure. i just hope that they are ok

I promise you all that i am still alive. i just havent really found the time to write. School has been extremely hectic.
so im just going to write down a few reminders that i need to write about when i get a chance

School

So i dont remember when my last post was so im just going to start off with the list that i made. Anyway, i started school June 22, 2009. Well summer school at least. im taking a Human Anatomy class. and WOW its pretty intense. ive learned soo much in the past two weeks its crazy. i cant believe thats its already been two weeks. But like i said this class is pretty intense, we learn something new everyday and there is alot of memorization. sometimes i feel like giving up but i tell myself "no you can do it" and i do no matter how hard i have to look toward my goals and know what i am doing it for and i know i can do it.

So i made some friends in my class because its a pretty small class about 40 some people. my one friend is Hazel Cueto, and Regina Lai. im more close with Hazel just cuz we sit next to each other and we actually eat lunch together. Now to be serious here, shes a pretty cool chick and all but i dont know sometimes she just gets on my nerves. i mean out of all the friends that i made there i got stuck with the one that doesnt really like philippinos and im like WTF, only cuz i think some philippinos are cool. I dont know, and another thing that aggrivates me about her is that she always ALWAYS has something to say about something, and its like whatever you can say what you want its a free country but she says so many critical things im just like SHUT UP! like we would be walking to the lunch table and she'll see some random chick walk by and she'll be like oh what heck, what is she wearing. or last time we were eating these group of people were talking a but loudly about something, onyl God knows and she was just like uhh i just want to go over there and slap them. and i was just like >.< fuck! chill man. i dont know. shes just another person i guess. you meet, you greet, and you go. thats how it is with college, with friends. at least thats what i came to realize.

Death

June 25 209, thursday. two people died. the infamous king of pop Michael Jackson and the beautiful Original Charlies angel, farrah fawcett.

at first i could not believe that MJ was dead it was unbelieveable but people die. what can you do. however, i believe that i was more sad that FF died. i dont know why. after a while though i felt more pity for MJ. either way. two great people have died, but they are now with the great Lord in paradise.

Transformers

Transformers was a pretty AMAZING movie. it was a bit long and did have some silly stuff, but all in all it was awesome. great fight scenes and Graphics.. HOLY CRAP... the graphics we magnificent. i couldnt believe how good everything looked. Shia was a great actor and any more that he is in is hilarious. im glad that he has grown from his even stevens roles to regularly casted actor by steven spielberg himself. Megan fox is eh. she is pretty no doubt, but stupid as ever. her acting wasnt that great in the movie and her movie was open half the time. i just want to shut it close with some duck tape XD. but as i said stupid, idiotic girl really, she has the guts to say stuff about the director when that guy has casted huge stars such as nick cage. i dont know she really is the 2nd paris hilton.

Tony's Friends

i went to go watch transformers not only with Tony, but with his friends. at first i thought that it was going to be a bit akward and all because i dont really know them or talk to them, but i came to realize that his friends are pretty chill and ridiculously fun. im glad tony can act like such a kid with them because they are funny. but one thing that i am extremely happy to know is that even though his friends do alot more stupider things like "smoking" im glad Tony has a big enough brain to not to do that. :D proud of him for not.

So anyway, his friends are cool and easy to talk to which is really awesome. but did find out that ed. was high and he ended up falling asleep toward the end of the movie. we were ready to leave and saw him and we were going to leave him there but Tony decided to do otherwise and guess what he did... *SLAP*.....

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

that was the greatest thing ever! the slap across the face was sooo loud! hahahaa that was the highlight of the night XD.

Homeless

So on the 28th of June, i had a super busy day. at least what i remember. i went to trader joes. i went to paseo. i went to the nail salon with my mom, i went to sandra bday party and i cooked pasta. now let me get to why this section is titled Homeless.

as i walking back from the nail salon, by myself, this homeless man started following me. yelling out rude remarks and suck its was disgusting. he started saying things like .."whooo you look good" " i see you dont have any tattoos on you, yah you gotta keep that body clean" "omg are you an angel, do u want to go to heaven?" "are you a movie star" "are you a ninja" and i just kept ignoring him. but he kept following me. i really go creeped out and told him to "leave me alone" i then pulled out my cell phone to act as if i was going to call the Cops, when he saw this he exclaimed "oh what are you going to do? huh? call the cops? this is pasadena baby, home of the movie stars!!" i was just more and more creeped out. but i just kept ignoring him. after that he was like "fine" and walked away.

i had the willys for such a long time. i was so scared for my life. i didnt know what the hell i was going to do. at the same time when i got home i was just so angry or shocked i dont know what but i was just so nerved. i guess i was ticked off as is because the one time i didnt bring my mace was when i needed it the most and i kept on trying to call my mom but she wouldnt pick up her damn phone. i was trying to warn her and ugh she just wouldnt pick up X[

Sandras Cousin Danny

Now ive gotta say that i have NEVER in my life met someone with so many aspirations in their life. and when you usually do it would be a person who has already be through it and become succesful. Nope. this kid is in the 7th grade and has dreams. its amazing. me and sadnra were talking to hin about where he wants to go for college and right away his answer was USC. he wants to get his PhD and become a professor in Math or something else. it was just shocked at how much this kid wants and will probably achieve. i mean this kid was great. he is in 7th grade thinking about college in algebra and what not and i dont know. i just told him that i was suepr proud of him and to keep it up. i realized that he was also alot more mature for a 12 year old.

One things that really twisited something in me that day was that sandra had another cousin that we were talking to. he is going into the 11th grade and she asked him "oh so where do you want to go for college?" i was expecting to him to at least say PCC. but he said no. i dont think ima go. he also said that id rather go to adult school and learn what i want.  i was like WTF is adult school. Now the thing that really irked me was what Sandra said. she said "oh thats ok" and im like WTF how can that be ok. how can you a person IN COLLEGE. even say that. yah its not for everyone but you shouldnt be encouraging him to not go to college. i dont know i just though that that was a little depressing. instead of encouraging him she discouraged him.

So thats kind of been my 2 weeks thats i havent written haha

umm.. lets see if i can remember anything else.

i had my first test on Mon for anat. i have an 80% in the class. i want at least an 85%. we'll see how this mon. test goes.

July 4th is today. hopefully i get to see fireworks, its been a while.

will try and update soon!

love you all.

First of all Happy Fathers Day to all the dads out there.
[when i think of it though, i don't think i said happy fathers day to my dad :( ]

Today, we actually had our normal potluck at my Uncles house. it is getting a bit weird since we haven't had one in quiet some time. But as always, we ate watched TV etc. the fun thing though was that i actually learned how to play a bit of the guitar :D. im so happy. i know G chord, D chord, Aminor Chord, and C Chord and E chord. im probably going yo forget them but it was fun. i was learning how to play Hot n Cold by Katy Perry.

after a couple more hours of bordeum Tony called and i went to go eat with him family at Zen Buffet. Delcious! but i got SOOO full...

we then went to Walmart and went to go grocery shopping for Tonys Apt. we got a lot of stuff and then returned back to his house to pack the rest of his stuff.

No for the Serious part of my post.

TOday was quiet an emotional day. Emotional is the least i can say. Tears and sadness and crying and everything.

Like i have said before i always get sad when Tony has to leave, i mean it is natural of me to get sad and ive always been like this. i always want to cry but i end up stopping myself. Today, i couldnt. He knew that something had been wrong ever since Saturday when he has been talking about transferring schools because UCI was so expensive. at one point he has mentioned something avbout Cal Poly San Luis Obipo. You see that school is more than 200 miles away in NOR Cal. what really got me sad was that i was afraid that he would consider going to that school. that he would leave me. Funny enough i didnt even have to tell him why i was being so quiet and sad. He already knew. Funny again though he didnt even know where Obipo was. he thought that it was near UCI.

the truth is, its so hard for me to Lie to tony and i cant. its hard because he knows me so well.he says that it is something in my eyes that he knows when i am lying and also i fidget alot. i mean dont get me wrong i DO NOT want to lie to my BF at all there is no point and i love him too much to lie to him. but he knows me so well. he knows things before i do. and it funny because he'll consistently stare me down until i tell him what is wrong. funny enough he knows that i will eventually tell him and i did.

I told him that i was afraid. afraid that he was going to leave me. i told him that i was sorry for leaving him for 3 weeks to go off to the philippines and that i had no idea how he did it. cuz i know i would be lost without him. you know what he said, "i want to be with you" "i want to be where you are" "im not leaving you"
i dont know what it is about me. ive doubted so many times myself  you know. been scared alot that he might actually go some day. but those words, those simple words erased all my doubts. it made me cry even more. i guess ive learned day by day how much more i love Tony.

as i was being truthful with him today, i decided that it was about time to tell him about my cuts on my arm. i wasnt planning on telling him at all. (the one lie that i kept from him) but i couldnt bear to lie to him anymore about it. i told him that i lied about the "scratches" on my arm (cuz i had told them they were just scratceds when he had asked me) that they were cuts, that i was depressed about my sister leaving and my familys overbearing control over my life. my initial thought about how he would react was that i thought that he would be mad. But started looking at my cuts carefully. he then started looking all over my arm and at my other arm too. i looked at him and his face i cant forget... "he told me never to do it again" that he is there for me and that it isnt necessary. and the one thing that really got me was when he said  "what if you had died? what if you had left me?" i saw the tears in his eyes and at that moment, i felt as if the world had stopped dead in its tracks. i felt like such an idio for all the stupid things that i have done, but at that moment i felt this rush of emotion. of this love, of God only knows what it was but i felt at that moment as if i meant something to someone. i was something in this world. i was not just another person in the world that God had put on the planet. that i had a reason to live and someone to live for.

I dont know what it is. but it is amazing what one person can do. how much that person can change another persons life.

i told tony, that he is the greatest thing that has happened to me. that he is everything i have ever wanted, smart, handsome, great cheek bones, caring, funny, doesnt laugh at me when i cry. Everything. i told him that he is a great man.

"behind every great man, there is a great woman."

Those words will always stick with me. That feeling will always be there. I will always be who i am because of all that i have experienced.

So i have been meaning to post, but i have gotten lazy over the past couple of days.
Anyway, i shall continue from Friday.
Me and Bianca hung out in the moring and went to Dennys! yay! it was so much fun because i actually have never been to Dennys. Wow i have to say though Breakfast is one of the best meals of the day :D i got this tasty breakfast burrito and biscuit. it was DELICIOUS! wow. haha. *drools* Anyway, that was fun i got to se binky boo again. hopefully i get to see her more.

That afternoon me and Tony went to Zuma beach in Malibu. Other than the 2 hour drive there because we were stuck in traffic, it was pretty fun but really really COLD! man it must have been 70 degrees or cooler there. We got there at 6pm so that didnt help either XD. but it was fun. we got there settled our stuff down then a couple minuets later Tony was like "hey! lets dig a hole" i was like "?" hahah he wanted to put me in the hole XDXD haha. so we started digging a whole. eventually we finished, it wasnt that deep but i wasnt going to go in! haha so i ended up burrying him in it XD i have pictures on my FB. it was hilarious. after that we ate the food i prepared that moring which was Sushi rolls, two egg sandwiches, one with roast beef and the other with turkey, strawberries with sugar, and Lemon tea juice. im really happy because Tony really liked my cooking! :D i want to learn how to cook more stuff so that i can cook for him :D. after that we went close to the water and stood around for a bit. and geee!! the water was bloody cold!!! but i liked it it was nice seeing the waves. i dont know what it is about the ocean but i always get stuck in this trance. i end up thinking about anything and everything related to the ocean. it is quite nice and serene. but after that nice quiet and serene moment the fool started splashing water at me... and of course knowing me i wasnt going to stand for that NO WAY! haha i splashed back. but of course to no avail.  :( i lost and ended up getting wet from head to toe. haha. affter freezing my ass of for a couple of minuets i decided that it was getting to cold and that it was time to go. we headed back to the car and then back home.

it was a fun day. i think the only thing that really killed it was the long ass drive and being stuck in traffic. we were traveling along PCH at rush hour, what do you expect right? haha. still next time i want to go to a closer beach. take more picture and have an AMAZING time instead of just a great time. :D

So today was alright :D Glad to be happy, somewhat.

Today got home from work, tony came back to my house. we chilled a bit. then we went back to his house and watched Hotel rwanda. Omg so sad. i finally watched the whole thing. *sigh* sometimes you watch a movie and think its fiction, then you forget that all of that has happened and miliions were slaughter. :(

after that we went to tops to grab a bite to eat

then we watched UP. GREAT movie. super cute! i was surprised that Tony liked it cuz hes not usually into those kinds of movies but he really liked it and i was glad.

after that we just chilled and talked about plans for the beach tomorrow and looked at my poem book.

thats it for now i guess i will update tomrrow...

So this week has gone by awfully fast. and i get sad more and more. everytime i think about it. *sigh*

Monday: we were suppose to go to the drive in but that didnt work.
Tue: we went to Eaton Canyon with GI and poplin which was nice but at the same time i wish i was alone with tony.
Wed: we were suppose to go to six flags but that didnt happen either. *no money*
*but he did finally get a new phone! yay! so hopefully he wont lose it as much and break it.
we were suppose to have a movie night but HE ended up hanging out with his friends somewhat ditching me at last minuet. he called me at 230 telling me that he was going to hang out with his crew. i waited 8 hours for him to call me back 8 HOURS!?!? damn...i was so furious with him. i could have gone to Chinatown/Ktown with bianca and suzy. arg.
This week hasnt gone the way that i planned it much. which makes me really really sad.
hopefully we actually do something productive today. and hopefully tomorrow we actually go to the beach. *sigh*
i know i shouldnt be angry, its just disappointing sometimes you know?
at least i understand how bianca felt that time sorry love this time i promise to call/text u! :D:D

*SIGH*

another day at the office what a bore. i drove today. i dont know if my mom is still mad at me thats why she didnt wake me up. or if she just didnt wake me up cuz she didnt think i was going to work. rawr. whatever. today is kinda of my last weekish. next week i start coming in around 4 or so, so we'll see how that goes. today i am going to try and finish every last bit of filing. HOPEfully.

goodbye for now.
ill tell u all how it went today...

The past few days have been a bore. well except for today :D



Today i went to Irvine to help tony move his stuff back. i got there around 945 so we spent to first half of the morning just chiliing and having fun. we fell asleep, then went to subway as always and then back to his dorm to pack. Man! he has so much stuff its crazy. we were just lugging stuff back and forth to the car for  a while! hehe. but after a while we took a rest.

,

*sigh*



the greatest part of the day though was a point of the day where me n tony were just laying down and ive been feeling fat lately because ive been eating alot and tony was just like "talk to me" and i told him and he said '"babe, you are beautiful" and just like that i fell agaiin ... *sigh* i started kissing him and i suddenly whispered in his ears that he is "the best thing that has happened to me" after that i started tearing up...>.< n surprisigly so did tony. its been a while since ive seen him cry. but idn. i like it. not in a weird and morbid way. but it just shows me how much he actually cares... i love him.....